Every girl's a princess

"Whatever comes," she said, "cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it."

One thing my little brother and me bond over is movies. Today I watched for the first time a big screen adaptation of my ever favorite classic 'A Little Princess' written by Frances Hodgeson Burnett.
I must've read the novel atleast 6-7 times and each time I did it made me a little more hopeful, gave me a little more faith in faith and the belief that all would be well in the end. If it isn't well, then it's not the end yet. Corny, but I'd like to think it was books like these that make me such an optimistic person in general. I get upset but I've never got bogged down. While I know Sarah's story isn't true and is very unlikely to ever happen to anybody, the reason for that is simple; it can only happen to someone like Sarah. And Sarah was unlike anyone, possibly a utopic character. We can try to be like her but Sarah's mind was so gloriously innocent, her spirit so indomitably resilient, her mind so pristine, so unpolluted from the real world of pessimism, that nobody but someone who has faced all odds can truly be her.
All that said and done, I read about the first acclaimed movie version of the story, the one with Shirley Temple in it. Then I came across a remake by Alphonso Cuaron which was also critically reknowned so I chose to download this one, thinking a color one would probably appeal to my brother more.
What did I think of the movie? It wasn't terrible, some of the performances were exemplary, like Miss Minchin, Ermengarde, Lavinia and Lottie. Sarah's character was heart wrenching but subtle things like the intelligence in her eyes, were missing. I still did sob like a shameless moron everytime she said 'Papa' though. They were quite liberal with the story. Sarah's papa doesn't even really die in the movie. And there were a few laughable stunt scenes in the climax. The progression of events was abrupt and the magic of the book couldn't be felt, even though you'd have thought the ending would have felt happier, seeing as Captain Crewe comes back to life and all.
But I guess its just one of those books that nobody can do full justice to.
Like 'Catcher in the Rye'. I was super psyched to see that there's a movie. till i read that the movie is simply a 75min and 6sec of blank screen. That is pure brilliance. In its rawest simplest form.
Nothing more, nothing less (sic.)

Reminders of Then..

Though it looks like I have separated myself from all things Bioinformatics, life still hands out periodical reminders that I can't bring myself to discard. Science did form a big part of my life so far and I guess I haven't learnt to completely let go yet.
Like my Nature journal updates that I'v subscribed to. I don't read em anymore but I don't have the heart to unsubscribe..
So every couple of days I get a mail from The British Journal of Cancer or a Nature Biotechnology Alert or Nature Neurology Reviews among others. Somehow it keeps me connected to a past that in reality isn't that very far away, but seems to be fading away quickly.

The Ones that got away

[Image from http://worldcricketwatch.com]
Its difficult to feel sorry for the Tainted Trio. Every photo of them walking in and out of court has them smiling, joking, well dressed and almost as if they're enjoying the attention. They get banned for 7yrs and then tell the press that they are innocent. Who do they think they're kidding? Obviously something must be making them feel invincible, or else they'd atleast fake a little remorse right? or distress or rage if they really are being framed.
All I can say is I feel sorry for the honest Pakistani players. Not only have these morons irreversibly damaged their own reputations they've also invariably cast this shadow of doubt on their entire nation. And they have idiots like Ijaz Butt to encourage them. What a sad state of affairs.
I want to see some happy news on TV for a change. I guess for that happy things need to happen. But it really is a mood killer to see the unscrupulous principle-less disgraces of the universe get away..

Tri Valley Phoniversity

Are students this desperate to study/settle abroad? Its pathetic and disheartening, how these kids compromise themselves to below standard institutions, which don't even look good on paper.

I decided to check if the University website is still up to see if it looked bogus. I wanted to laugh, i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream. The grammar is the least of the problems.
Excerpts...

Student Profiles
Hugh Nugen Ph.D. in Electrical Engineering Department, Major: Analog IC
Education: B.S. Electrical Engineering 2000, U.C.Berkeley; M.S. Northwestern Polytechnic University, Electrical Engineering, 2004;
Profile: Senior Staff Engineer and Supervisor at Vashay-Siliconix. Hugh Nugen actually contributes to the inception of TVU. As Dr.Su's former graduate student, Hugh one day posed her a question :"I want to study for Doctorate Degree in Electrical Engineering. Which university shall I go to?" To which, she first answers him " Go to this university", He said:" This university does not have that.". She then told him "Go to that university.". He said :" That university does not have this.". Couple of months later, she finally was able to provide him a satisfactory answer "Come to Tri-Valley University then!". Tri-Valley University is built according to our students need and request. Most of the features are actually suggested to build by our students.

Ashwin Reddy
...
Profile: Ashwin is currently work for a company.

Alice Wilcox, BSBA
Education: Associated Degree, Diablo College
Profile: "After attend the college for a AA degree, I went straightly to work. I then own my own business at Livermore CA and it has been very successful. Now I am retired and pass the business to my son, I want to complete my Degree for personal fulfillment. Also I can set up an real example for my grandson to earn the degree, every time I told him to. "
Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Source: http://www.trivalleyuniversity.org/

Who cares if you like it, just put a ring on it!

note: Image from valentinaramos.blogspot.com
There comes a stage in every single Indian girl's life when she becomes the 'Next-in-line'. Typically this happens when all siblings, first cousins, and second cousins (in that order) are married off.
[Digression- Old fashioned folks have a puzzling perception of culture. From what I have managed to understand, going out for parties, staying out late, going for vacations with friends are accepted IF and only if 1.you're married/engaged or 2. your parents don't know about it. So single girls incapable of large scale story-telling say goodbye to a respectable social life.]
Basically if you're 25, Indian and female then you are accepted if you follow any one of the following criteria:-
1. On top of the social hierarchy is the ideal well educated girl with a killer job who is married to an equally well placed young man. These people are blessed if they're compatible. They've worked hard to get where they're at they deserve all the social adoration. Everything's in place for the Great Malayalee Dream.
2. You have an engineering/MBA/Masters degree and a maybe even a decent job and you're married to a highly qualified man with very bright prospects; Get a kid soon and you're not too far behind the top of the proverbial ladder.
3. You're married. If the guy looks good enough on paper than even this is accepted.
4. You're unmarried but doing your PhD in which case there will still be remaining men in the market who will be seduced by your seemingly bright looking resume irrespective of the old age. (Of course you might be expected to bear a kid soon and not complete your thesis, but all that matters is that you pass on the genius genes to the offspring)
5. You don't even need to have the brains. Even if you're not even interested in what you're doing, if your dad has the moolah to send you abroad, get a degree from a prestigious university or if you end up with an overpaying IT job which you hate, you're still given respect in the social circle.
Look good on paper that's all that matters. If you're truly happy then good for you. If you're not, then just grin and bear it.. unless you want to end up a social pariah.

So where does that leave me? I'm still 22 so I have about 3yrs before the deadline. I can still opt for an MBA in VIT or Ramachandra or wherever, get married after that and save my name. Of course I could attend CAT coaching and somehow get through IIM if i wanted to. I could even forget the whole MBA and get agree to get married right now (I do have a Masters degree anyway) and still have a piece of the Dream. Ideally, by now I'd have written my GRE and be enroute to a PhD degree anywhere in the USA/UK/whichever or at least an MS. It doesn't matter that that would have exhausted about 20 lakhs from whose ever bank account; its still better than what I'm doing now. but then What isn't?! :)
So yeah you'd think I have hope eh? A shot at the Dream.. But what's life without a twist? I chose instead to 'follow my dream'. That one thing all respected families are afraid of; I turned into the one thing all parents dread - the prodigal daughter. I gave up 'my' PhD dreams, i gave up biology all together - for the time being atleast - only to do what I liked. With no qualification backing me, I entered the media. And I'm not even sure how long I'd like this to last. I'm still probably spending more than I earn, but that'l change when the time comes. All I know is that this feels right and that's all I'm looking for. Maybe I'm breaking a lot of hearts in the process but I suppose I am selfish that way. Thankfully I have a family that doesn't whip me or verbally blackmail me like those scary families you hear about. I know that things might be different and maybe even better for me had things gone a little more my way in the past, so I don't blame myself entirely; because all is not lost. I don't think I'm a rebel. I'm still terrified of disapproval. I still care too much about being accepted. But I am my own person and that fact overshadows the rest. I simply can't bring myself to pretend otherwise. Life is too short to spend it struggling for things you might not even really want.
I hate myself for this but I'm actually quoting Cheryl Cole here 'If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for.' But Cheryl Cole is hot, I doubt she had to fight for anything...

The Plan

When 2010 begun I was all set to begin my stint in Bangalore, one step closer to the long journey to a PhD in Bioinformatics I thought.
When 2010 ended I had just finished my training period as a web content developer at my favorite radio station.
Quite a leap.
People's perceptions of these developments have been varied. As comfortable and at home I feel with what I'm doing I often find myself haunted by this nagging feeling of disapproval that the air is so thick of, especially at home.
Suffocated is what I am, with love, and with expectations. For once in my life I want to fly. I want the free spirit in me to be unleashed. For once.
I want to take my time, make mistakes; i want to know who I am, unbound by society's perceptions of me, unaffected by the expectations, and the dreams of others.
I want to stop doubting myself, stop trying to make things I don't really want, happen. I want to be me. I do wish that someday the people I love and who genuinely want the best from me realize that even I want the best for me. I'm not completely self destructive.
That's my plan.
Happy New Year

Queen of Convenience

Just when you thought I'm done with this!
So I happened to read these few other blogs and realized I don't really want to abandon this. I think the reason I don't write 99/100th of the times I get the urge is because I'm too conscious. For some mundane reason I've convinced myself that I need complete privacy while writing. That's tosh.
So it just struck me right now that I'm reading 3 books at the same time, and at snail pace. And none of them is a comic or particularly light reading.
There's the Wodehouse that I read at night. Except nowadays (nowanights?) I'm so tired by the time I get to bed, I barely read a couple of pages before snoozing.
Then there's the Agatha Christie, my first ever, that I read in the loo. Yes I read in the loo. And I personally know at least 5 other people that do the same so its hardly a big deal.
Finally there's Swathi's copy of Vernon God Little, my 2nd attempt at that. And judging by my current pace, Swathi might not get it back before 2012.
Lately I've been going book crazy. The weather's been so good, I have my own money (even if its a miniscule amount), and I've been so caught up with work that its been ages before I've had one whole peaceful day to myself. There's so many things I want to read. I hope I get around to it soon.
I dream about having a nice home in a rainy place, where I can write. If only I could get my words to flow. And my wallet too.
As much as I love them, there are a few things I simply cannot digest.
Historical Romances: I know they're supposed to be beautiful and literary and all that but they're so darn boring! And how HOW can anybody relate to characters names Marcus and Iphignia?
Philosophy without a story: Fountainhead is one of my best reads ever. But I can't read long pieces of prose with an excess of metaphors and ambiguous symbolism however well written it may be. That might be why my poetry can never be called 'poetry'. :) (see prvs entries for confirmation)
Some classics with old English: Eg. Treasure Island, Robinson Crusoe I have never completed those.
On a completely different note, bless Satkrit Krishna!
Find of the Week: Kings of Convenience - Mrs Cold