#100WaysToDieInIndia

As of now (03-Mar-2012, 17:48 IST), #100WaysToDieInIndia is trending on Twitter. Globally that is. So I thought it would be amusing to see what people outside of India know about India.. In fact, so enamoured did I get with this notion that I abandoned my dissertation work in this noble pursuit.

What I found out:-
1) Indian food is deadly spicy.

2) Indians hate Pakistanis

3) It is unheard of to not love SRK

#100WaysToDieInIndia say Sharukh Khan is the shittest actor ever and he's an overrated egghead

— akbarghhhh (@akbar_0) March 3, 2012

4) Indian elders regularly beat kids with chappals

5) Cows, goats and elephants trample on us frequently. Cobras also.

#100WaysToDieInIndia get run over by a renegade Elephant.

— Taronish Elavia (@Taro_Elavia) March 3, 2012

#100WaysToDieInIndia get run over by a cow

— Henry Austin (@henryaustin) March 3, 2012

#100WaysToDieInIndia Provoke a cobra.

— Jack Brien (@JackBrien1) March 3, 2012

#100WaysToDieInIndia Trampled by a random sanjay and his elephant.

— Liam Boyle (@LBoyle33) March 3, 2012

6) Indian parents have no tolerance for their wayward (read non-engineering/medically inclined) offspring.

#100WaysToDieInIndia "I'd rather be a hairdresser, don't wanna be a doctor" *Dad prepares shotgun*

— Denzil Safo-Antwi (@DenzilSafo) March 3, 2012

7) Indians are all vegetarians

'#100WaysToDieInIndia Kill a cow and you'll be toast.' fact.

— emmanuel mwisa (@Red_AlertMe) March 3, 2012

8) Indians all have long names

#100WaysToDieInIndia GO TO MACCIES ON JALANDHAR RD AND LAUGH AT THE WORKER CALLED "ALBERT" WHEN CLEARLY HIS NAMES TO LONG FOR THE NAME TAG!!

— TWEETHOOLIGAN (@RandyBhambra) March 3, 2012

9) Indians often sell body parts to buy cricket tickets

#100WaysToDieInIndia Sell ur kidneys to buy an #IndiavPak cricket match ticket

— Mishal (@MishalHere) March 3, 2012

10) Indian men don't cheat

11) Abusing a Sardar is frowned upon.

#100WaysToDieInIndia abuse a sardar and u will die of guilt

— Chemical Locha (@DilFake_aashiq) March 3, 2012

12) We all marry our cousins. And Sanji is a real name.

#100WaysToDieInIndia not marrying your cousin sanji

— chris pennicott (@cpennicott) March 3, 2012

13) If not that then at least we must do arranged marriage

#100WaysToDieInIndia Not agreeing to marry the girl you've been arranged to marry. #MummaGonnaBeatYou

— Matthew Morgan (@MatthewMorganx) March 3, 2012

As if all of this wasn't enough, we've got these to worry about -

whatever they are..

Twitteretiquette, Self Importance and Being judgamental on a perfectly pleasant Sunday

Shashi Tharoor retweets a LOT.

Tell him it's Jhansi Rani's birthday, Please RT. He'll RT.
Real Example 1
ABC
@ShashiTharoor Today is the Birthday Anniversary of Rani Laxmibai. Why No media reporting freedom fighter birthday. http://on.fb.me/slBGB3
1 hour ago
Retweeted by ShashiTharoor

Tell him it's your birthday and the best gift would be a RT. Oh he'll RT.
Real Example 2
XYZ
A RT from our beloved @ShashiTharoor would be the highlight of my day... my birthday.... U guys think ill get it?
23 hours ago
Retweeted by ShashiTharoor

And why shouldn't he, you may ask. I thought about it, though and I've come to the conclusion that it takes someone enormously pig-headed and filled with disillusioned righteousness (not to mention a LOT of time.. though to be fair, I'm not one to talk about that) to do that.
See, it's fine if you think Jhansi Rani should be given her due. I think so too. But do you actually think it makes any difference if you retweet it? If you actually care, write a tribute. One click of a mouse is not gonna make the media sit up and take notice. They have better more profitable things to do.
Obviously this is a manifestation of a need to be praised constantly, to be adored, to maintain a set of unwavering fans who fawn over every noble tweet. Don't discredit your intelligent followers with such double faced patriotism.

And wishing me on my birthday. See, sometimes we regular folk get carried away by celebrities. I, for instance, think you write well; I even bought your book for my best friend's pregnant sister. But let's say I was completely crazy about you (hypothetical situation) I might be driven against good judgement and self respect to request you for a retweet like Mr. XYZ did. I might even feel a few minutes of thrill if u retweeted. But trust me, unless I was an exceptionally sad human being it would NOT be the highlight of my day. If i said it would i was simply being melodramatic. And you should know that you are not making the world a better place for me. And let's say XYZ was an exceptionally sad human being, then it's completely thoughtless of you to encourage his groveling. XYZ deserves better than that, but I suppose it makes you feel better about yourself.

Then there was this tweet..
Shashi Tharoor
Those who sneer at politicians attending weddings shld see how happy people r that u chose2b part of their special day. Glad2share their joy
13 Nov

I'm sorry you're so filled with this feeling that your presence is so special. I'm sorry but I'm still sneering.

Image from www.kindofcrap.com