Ammu

A Photo I took at the neighbourhood government school. We caused a minor stampede. Everybody wanted their picture taken! The headmaster told us most of these children come from broken homes. They eat their only meals in the school that is in itself grossly undermaintained and underfunded. The headmaster Mr. Lukeman Durai and a teacher we met called Ms. Violet-something-Julie are very well spoken people. They've dedicated close to a decade of their lives to teach these kids, a significant percent of whom drop out at grade 8. Stories of inspiration like these are everywhere.

We were just leaving the area - Pannanthope colony in Ayanavaram - content with the information we had collected for our documentary, yet still missing that crucial component that would thread all the disparate bytes of visuals and voices. But that crucial component usually turns up during the last minute frenzy, or so I hoped.

A scrumptious lunch on our minds (a treat for our pampered selves, soiled by the interaction with poverty), we headed towards the bus stop. On our way we spotted a particularly miserable stretch of slum dwellings; a long compelling shot of that would be fantastic for the documentary, wouldn't it! So we took on our flipcam and began to do so. I was slinking around, trying in vain to look as inconspicuous as I could; taking photos of personal properties always makes me uncomfortable.

An old-ish woman carrying a naked infant seemed to have appeared from the depths of the slum. I went towards where she was hovering.

'Amma, if you know of any hostels then please let me know,' she said in Tamil.
'Enna?', I asked, handicapped by my shameful grasp of the language I ought to know.
'My daughter has gone missing and I have no idea where she is. We have filed a complaint many times. She's been gone since September. She was a grown girl. Now I have to take care of my three grandchildren,' she lamented, 'all girls,' she added with a sad smile.

By then my journalistic radar was ringing. I'd asked my friend to start recording, and the woman seemed to not be bothered.

'The children do not have a father. He was very abusive, beat her a lot. I do not know what to do with the children. We live off my younger daughter's meager pay.'

As taken in as I was with her tragic story, cruel pragmatism made me try to steer her conversation to the general state of her slum and what authorities had done about it; which was what we were supposed to uncover.

Enthusiastically she began relating her woes in a manner that was both undramatic and stirring at the same time.
'Nobody has agreed to help us. The politicians promise us things but nothing has improved. The waterlogging and garbage overflowing makes the kids sick. The police have not managed to find anything about my daughter's whereabouts.' I noticed that every passage of conversation kept finding its way back to her missing daughter.
'I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to go to work thinking about her and these kids I have to take care of.'

In those two minutes she covered so many nuances of poverty. The burden of the girl child, abuse of women in the household, children growing up in broken homes, diseases, hopelessness, desperation, resilience, her missing daughter.
At no point in this heavy conversation did we have to egg her on. Neither did she ask us for anything material. For food for the baby, money, nothing.

'Please pray for my children. Just pray that is enough.'

We made empty promises to try and help. I know I shall forget about this soon, succumb to the cosy ignorance of richness.

What is your name, we asked her.
'Mine? Jessy' she said. I saw a glassy eyed smile; mine or hers I could not tell.
'Ponnu peru Ammu. Japam pannungo ma'

Ammu is her daughter's name. If you're not going back, Ammu, I hope you've found a better life than what you left behind. I'm not that optimistic about your three daughters.

Twitteretiquette, Self Importance and Being judgamental on a perfectly pleasant Sunday

Shashi Tharoor retweets a LOT.

Tell him it's Jhansi Rani's birthday, Please RT. He'll RT.
Real Example 1
ABC
@ShashiTharoor Today is the Birthday Anniversary of Rani Laxmibai. Why No media reporting freedom fighter birthday. http://on.fb.me/slBGB3
1 hour ago
Retweeted by ShashiTharoor

Tell him it's your birthday and the best gift would be a RT. Oh he'll RT.
Real Example 2
XYZ
A RT from our beloved @ShashiTharoor would be the highlight of my day... my birthday.... U guys think ill get it?
23 hours ago
Retweeted by ShashiTharoor

And why shouldn't he, you may ask. I thought about it, though and I've come to the conclusion that it takes someone enormously pig-headed and filled with disillusioned righteousness (not to mention a LOT of time.. though to be fair, I'm not one to talk about that) to do that.
See, it's fine if you think Jhansi Rani should be given her due. I think so too. But do you actually think it makes any difference if you retweet it? If you actually care, write a tribute. One click of a mouse is not gonna make the media sit up and take notice. They have better more profitable things to do.
Obviously this is a manifestation of a need to be praised constantly, to be adored, to maintain a set of unwavering fans who fawn over every noble tweet. Don't discredit your intelligent followers with such double faced patriotism.

And wishing me on my birthday. See, sometimes we regular folk get carried away by celebrities. I, for instance, think you write well; I even bought your book for my best friend's pregnant sister. But let's say I was completely crazy about you (hypothetical situation) I might be driven against good judgement and self respect to request you for a retweet like Mr. XYZ did. I might even feel a few minutes of thrill if u retweeted. But trust me, unless I was an exceptionally sad human being it would NOT be the highlight of my day. If i said it would i was simply being melodramatic. And you should know that you are not making the world a better place for me. And let's say XYZ was an exceptionally sad human being, then it's completely thoughtless of you to encourage his groveling. XYZ deserves better than that, but I suppose it makes you feel better about yourself.

Then there was this tweet..
Shashi Tharoor
Those who sneer at politicians attending weddings shld see how happy people r that u chose2b part of their special day. Glad2share their joy
13 Nov

I'm sorry you're so filled with this feeling that your presence is so special. I'm sorry but I'm still sneering.

Image from www.kindofcrap.com

The American Poor

We have a new professor called Steve Ross who takes a week long module for us. It's Day 2 and boy has he shown up in my life right when he was needed!
It's been a rough few weeks. Too much work. Too many annoyances. And dissatisfied professors. So for Steve Ross, who taught at Columbia University for more than a decade to manage not to be completely stupefied at our stupidity comes as a BIG encouragement.

So anyway, I could go on about him, but I don't wanna ramble cuz i'm not nearly as FANTASTIC as he is at that area (I swear i've never met anybody who could start off talking about a nuclear awareness website and branch off into the working of a battery made from cowdung and ACTUALLY make sense before. Is it still rambling if you paranthetise? Is paratherise a word?)

So Professor Steve Ross was showing us some pictures that his wife Rachel Ellner took for a feature series on the homeless in America. And it was amazing.
I don't mean the photographs, which no no doubt were, but it was the people in the pictures themselves. New York, according to Mr. Ross has thousands and thousands (I remember him saying 150,00, but thats seems so big I'm gonna have to double check) homeless people! Not what you think of when you think of New York sitting here, is it? But what stood out is the in-your-face difference between the poor in America and the poor in India.

In the photos he showed us, it might sound callous (I've been told I sometimes sound so), but the instinctive reaction was to dismiss their suffering. They all wear clothes.. they may look unwashed yes, but it's all there! shirt jacket jeans cap.. some goth homeless girl had some pretty kickass accessories and black nailpolish! Seriously!

Photo from stock.xchng

One of the reasons for this I gathered was the reasons for their poverty. In India, the urban poor are poor because there parents were poor. Except for maybe the disabled ones and the mentally challenged who are abandoned. In America, from what little I saw, poverty was due to a whole variety of other reasons. Lisa ran away from an abusive home. Scott has a severe drug habit. Elise and Roger and drug addicts and broke. All the stereotypical American names are made up btw. The rest is real.

I can't imagine that happening (exceptions prove the rule) to Urban youngsters here. For example, I was not fiercely independent/rebellious/stupid enough to actually run away from home and live on the streets when my parents wanted me to apply for a PhD. My parents would never kick me out of my home even if I had a drug habit (I hope that's not just wishful thinking) and if I ever lost my job, I would probably succumb to the temptation of living off a kind relative, even though I would hate myself for it. I give examples of myself because I can't talk for anybody else. But I dare say there are people who can relate. It's not even that I'm actually that spineless. As a matter of fact I often fancy myself to be a pretty fiercely independent for a 23yr old who still lives with her parents. Might not sound like much but I know more and more people who are a lot more infuriatingly submissive than I am.

Also the American homeless often hang around the streets with boards saying 'Need Work' and other more creative alternatives. Whereas I've never bumped into an Indian homeless person who's asked for a job and not money. Not that any of us rich folks would ever 'risk' employing someone we found on the street (what would the neighbours say!)

Image from http://kjwonka.hubpages.com/hub/New-Yorks-hot-new-export---homeless-people

The difference between the Indian and American homeless is even more emphasized when you look at this NY city website i found for their Dept of Homeless Services. So in this site they have a section called 'Homeless Now?' Can you imagine that! They are actually in a scenario where they can expect homeless people to log into the internet and find this page!

The very notion of having a website for homeless beggars to log on to here in India seems absurd at best..

Dissecting my Conflicted Brain

No wonder Science is misunderstood[Image from omglog.com]

Sometimes I wonder if I should've chosen less taxing electives in my course. Science journalism classes are really engaging but a ton of work. Environment elective is equally engaging but surprisingly very emotionally taxing. Now and then I find myself a little confused. From 8.30 AM to 10 AM I'm lost in the wonder of science and how it's shaped our lives. Then from 11 to 12.30 I find myself acknowledging how in the craze for economic 'growth', science and engineering is sucking all the life out of indigenous people and their surroundings. Not to mention the time in between where I'm attending our Covering Deprivation class which makes me uncomfortably aware of how hypocritical it is to get distressed by the poverty around us, sitting in my Levi's Jeans in an AC hall. So that's my Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings in a nutshell.

Pretty intense stuff in itself, but made even more hard-hitting by the fact that all are taught by such amazing teachers. You can't imagine how new this is all to me. Studying in crappy institutions up till now, my view of the Indian education system tends to be pretty dismal, perhaps unfairly so. So the emotionalness of classes only makes me grateful.

Particularly distressing though is the possibility of the optimism of Science classes and the pessimism of the Environment classes ultimately canceling each other out, and having a net effect of nothing on me. Somehow, our Science class outing today to the Institute of Mathematical Sciences quelled these fears somewhat.

Thanks to our super-proactive lecturer, we got to meet a theoretical Physicist called Prof. Murthy (of course he probably has a proper name) who along with some other scientists is spearheading a project called the 'Indian Neutrino Observatory'. Now theoretical physics is pretty much the most hardcore science of all in a way. It's all about understanding the most fundamental basis of everything that exists. Now I wasn't the biggest Physics buff in school by a long shot but I always figured unlike Chemistry and Biology which had some kind of direct tangible effect on our lives (eg. Coca Cola, Cancer), Physics was kind of unnecessary. I mean, come on. Till maybe electricity level physics is forgivable. But what possible need do we have to find know whether the Higgs Boson really existed? Or spend millions on research in the hope of assigning a mass to a sub atomic particle that might not even exist?? And do we really need to know what Jupiter is made of? Seemed a bit frivolous. Something that would interest and affect only geeks and physics fanatics. And nuclear energy? Oh that's gonna spell doom anyway.

It's easy to form those kind of judgements without really knowing what the deal is.
And I'm beginning to realize how horribly wrong I have been. Every possible technology we take for granted now is in some way a spin off from particle physics experiments. That XRay you took for your broken toe? Physics. That cell phone near you that just beeped? Physics. Waiting for Glee to air on TV? Physics. Oh wait who wait's for stuff to air on TV these days with the Internet? PHYSICS!
Really! i feel pretty stupid about my previous attitude. Imagine if teachers in school actually told us all this in school. In not doing so, I think it's pretty probable that we lost out on thousands of potential scientists, who are probably stuck in high paying jobs they hate.

Anyway, back to Professor Murthy. Now the Indian Neutrino Observatory sounds pretty fancy. To reemphasize its fanciness is the fact that it's set to be built more than a kilometer under a mountain in Theni, Tamil Nadu. Basically it's gonna house this thing called a detector that will try to capture and detect neutrinos emitted from the sun (they're underground to filter out the background 'noise' that is also emitted. Neutrino's, unlike the unwanted noise is not affected by the kilometer of rock in between). So this sounds like a hell (no pun intended)lot of work eh? And you'd probably expect the whole baggage of displaced villagers, angry activists, adamant scientists to follow. But these guys really seem to be different!

Dr. Murthy was disarmingly transparent to us, revealing all the opposition, the thrills and the disappointments they had to face on the way. It was really heartening to hear how the environmental and social impact of their endeavor has been such a high priority for them since the beginning. They spent years and years just to find a spot that would pose the least threat to human and wild life. They spent time, manpower and money to educate the nearby folk on what their project was about and how their livelihood would not be intruded. Even their website shows their dedication to this. I've never seen such an extensive FAQ page anywhere on the net. They've entertained the most fundamental and controversial questions that I bet a lot of other scientists would dismiss or get agitated over. Obviously, societal acceptance is a big deal for them and that seems to be a rare trait in these days of anti-nuclear agitation. I bet if the Kudankulam N-plant planners, politicians and experts involved really had nothing to hide, they would've have taken a little more reasonable and educated approach to pacify the displaced and the activists.

Dr. Murthy described to us how they had almost settled on a spot in Nilgiris to be the site of the INO, but a clearly unintelligent newspaper (no prize for guessing which) needlessly agitated the people in the areas by raising baseless concerns about radioactivity and resource depletion. This resulted in the cancelation of that plan and further delay, not to mention seemingly diligent scientists being attacked. Now I feel disgusted at this hyperactive, disillusioned, irresponsible role the media played. Because as Prof. Murthy said, there is no question of harmful radiation, since the entire focus of their experiment is based on keeping the lab surroundings as unpolluted of radiation as possible! Any radiation would defeat the purpose. Hence, it was like accusing a germophobe of bad hygiene!

Today, Science and Industries are dangerously close to being labeled the enemy. And incidents like Kudankulam, Bhopal tragedy, Tata's Singur plant and countless others are responsible for this. I'm hanging on to my belief that the INO project will change this trend, and show us that it is possible to be socially responsible in the path to progress. Otherwise, pursuing science journalism might end up taking a bigger toll on my conscience than I'd imagined.

Now Running: Nobel Prizes 2011 Verdict: HIT!

I'm starting to acknowledge that reading good science stories give me more of a kick than anything else. Suddenly now, I want to become a science journalist so painfully bad.
Anyway, this week was the Science Nobel week, and the Medicine and Chemistry ones have some really kickass stories behind them. PS - I've written in good english for so long in college that I'm suffocated. I'm letting loose my bad-english-monster below..

MEDICINE/PHYSIOLOGY

Firstly Ralph Steinman. Turns out he discovered dendritic cells! All those years I had to study Immunology, I never bothered to even remember his name till 2 days back. Anyway his story is made for an Oscar winner. So back in 1973 he discovers this type of cell in mammalian bodies called dendritic cells. Dendritic cells are a type of antigen-presenting-cell (APC) that detect and present foreign harmful substances (virus, tumours, peanuts..if you're allergic that is) to T-cells and B-cells, which terminate those pesky bastards. Steinman's allegation didn't get accepted too easily, like most important discoveries. So he had to do more and more research before it finally got the acknowledgement it deserved. Now thousands of scientists are clamouring for a piece of the pie, trying to use these dendritic cells to combat cancers, AIDS, allergic reactions etc.. So yeah, Steinman led the pack and he worked tirelessly especially against cancer.
Now the twist. In 2007, Steinman was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the very disease he was training his dendritic cells to fight! Talk about irony..(this is one of those times that are tailormade for the usage of 'irony' though it might be wrong) Now at this point, if I were him I probably would've burst into self pitying tears and waited to die, content that people would probably remember me for those blasted cells and all. By now, you've probably guessed that Steinman was different. He decided to use this to his advantage. Say what? Ha, I'm not kidding I swear! The dude is so full of scientific spunk that he actually decides to use his own ailing body as a human guinea pig! I wonder what his wife had to say about that.. So yea does all that. Ends up living 4.5 years which is like a century compared to expected life expectancy for pancreatic cancer-diagnosed (Sorry Steve Jobs).
Now the Nobel people have a rule that they don't award dead dudes. So Steinman was really hoping to hang on till the announcement. Unfortunately he passed away 3 days before D-day. But hey, guess what happened next.. The Nobel committee screwed up. Either that or the Rockefeller University are a bunch of clever buggers! Whatever the reason, the Nobel committee were unaware of Steinman's passing till an hour after the announcement. So for the first time, a Nobel was awarded to a deceased guy. Nobel didn't ask and Rockefeller didn't say! Who can you blame really.. And hey if you ask me, Steinman deserved it a whole lot more than anyone in Big Boss is gonna deserve their cash prize, whatever it is.
What a story eh..

CHEMISTRY
Now the Chemistry story which actually inspired me to finally update my blog is quite different. Not so Hollywood-esque perhaps but still pretty darn inspiring. So the winner Danny Shechtman discovered quasi crystals, which have properties thought impossible by the entire chemist community, led by double Nobel laureate Linus Pauling (of alpha helix fame.. btw his story about the race to DNA structure with Watson and Crick is damn exciting too). So Shechtman's allegation of this type of crystal was in the 80s a bit like alleging that chickens can fly to the moon. Ofcourse he had proof but it was all so overwhelming and taboo for some reason that his peers began isolating him. Uppity jerks, scientists can be sometimes! Anyway, Shechtman hung on to his beliefs doggedly, until finally word spread and chemists started thinkin that maybe.. just maybe this guy wasn't so full of shit after all.
Turned out he was right, and these quasi crystal thingies do exist (Take that Pauling!) and are pretty damn useful at that.
More than his story, it was Danny Shechtman's manner of talking that made him my favourite scientist of the day. It's so refreshing to see people genuinely excited about the work they do, and at the same time humble and oh so adorably honest. So check this video out to see if you agree.

The Damned Grey Area

This Saturday, Amy Winehouse, 27, died, presumably of drug overdose, an event which the whole world had apparently been waging lighthearted(???) bets on. [www.whenwillamywinehousedie.com]

Meanwhile, the country of Norway (considered a champion of peace and humanitarian efforts and one of the biggest contributors to the UN) made a rare entry into the Breaking News, reeling from twin terrorist attacks that have killed nearly 100(?) persons.

My friend then pointed something out to me that ignited this need to understand something. We noticed that on our Facebook walls, tons of people paid a tribute to Winehouse (including me) but it wasn't easy to find one that said R.I.P Killed People of Norway or whatever. Of course the natural reaction of a wannabe-journalist should have been to condemn or to be disgusted with the fb generation's apathy. But since i was one of the RIP-Winehouse-posters, my instinctive reaction was on the defensive. So in twisted way, this conflict created a balance which allowed me to look at this somewhat neutrally.

THE QUESTION. Is our generation doomed because we evidently care more about the death of a popular musician with a figurative timebomb around her neck than the mass killings of innocent civilians in a country far away?

The truth is, we're doomed anyway. But not quite for the reason mentioned above. The sad fact is that most of us, except the News TV addicts most likely heard about Winehouse's death first (Source: FB updates, SMS's, radio.. whatever). In my case I read about the attack, but when i did the news report said 2 people dead so far, so I'm ashamed to say the event did not really register at that time. All the bad news on newspapers have desensitized me. But's lets leave that for another day.
Bottomline is, that i'm quite sure a lot of the current pop-crazy generation did not know about Norway and naturally did not tweet/fb about it. Now that comfortable ignorance is what is highly disturbing.

That being said, lets consider the possibility that everybody did know about Norway when it happened. Still I'm not completely shocked by the fact that Amy Winehouse's death gave people a jolt more than Norway did; I'm being brutally realistic here. Music is such a powerful thing, that it misleads the listener into believing he/she knows the artist personally. So it seems that people connect more to Amy Winehouse, the self-destructive druggie than the innocent 100 of Norway, who they did not know.
I'm not sure how this point of view projects me as a person, but i'm trying to make it as objective as possible. Think about it. If your much looked-up-to 95 yr-old teacher passed away the same time as 300 people in Genovia (yes, I know there's no such State), which tragic loss would impact you more? If it happened to be the former, must we feel ashamed of that? Is it fair to judge people who did not virtually vocalize their distress abt Genovia as much as they did the teacher, whom they did not really know as a person but loved for her teachings?
I'm not sure myself. The selfish truth is that we all only feel pain when it happens to us.

Those who are fortunate enough to not agree with this, you're all much bigger people than I am. The World needs more of you.

Some trivia I found interesting for some reason: Amy Winehouse was arrested in Norway for marijuana possession back in 2007

By the way, if you visit CNN.com's homepage now, it looks like Winehouse is given more space than Norway. Now that I feel is irresponsible journalism. You can't be as lenient with an entire News corporation as you can with individuals.

Image: dailytelegraph.com

First Day of College – TAKE 3!

So here I am again, 6 years after my first time, trying my hand at this college thing once more. There were some significant differences this time however. One, I actually WANT to pursue this course; two, I have absolutely no idea what to expect and three, I’ve never been part of a class which reeked so much of self-confidence. At the orientation programme today we met Mr. Sreekumar Menon whose presence took I think about 90sec to extract a sense of awe, kin-ship and respect from the crowd. He was effortlessly hilarious, and his though he very quickly had the whole crowd wrapped around his little finger, it was quite obvious that his jokes, full of intelligent sarcasm, were ones that you don’t wanna take too lightly. Even when he’s advising us against something, he does it in such a way that you don’t feel pressured.. you just feel stupid for ever having done that something. Because Sree’s da Man.. He might not look it, but trust me you don’t wanna mess with this wise old fellow.
The whole orientation talk maybe lasted an hour, during which he outlined to us the core courses, the structure of the whole course, introduced the other faculty ( consisting of a Ranji trophy cricketer, a musician who supposedly takes part in students’ mischiefs, a raahu-kalam believing dynamic radio journalist etc.. ). He also said something very relevant I think, to many of us present there. He said that during the interviews that we all had gone through as part of the admission procedure, he noticed one thing. Almost all of us apparently mentioned to the panelists one thing, that we chose this course because we love to write (I don’t remember clearly, but I think it’s a safe bet to say that I might have been one of them). He said that he found that admirable, since he himself is petrified of writing, something that made me, and possibly others feel rather small and naïve. Brashly, yet effectively showed us what a disillusioned bunch we were by revealing that our so-called-passion for writing wasn’t exactly shared by the readers of our essays; a comment that was greeted by sheepish laughter. To think that each of us one hundred and fifty students was secretly basking under the perception that our writing talent was something special is quite hilarious.
I was expecting the cream of the intelligentsia with an attitude to match among the student crowd. Can’t say I’m disappointed but thankfully it didn’t feel as intimidating as I expected, at least not today. Everyone was as anxious to make friends, I suppose. Everybody smiled sweetly at each other, exchanged names and backgrounds. An elaborate mating ritual, everybody waiting to meet, to choose that handful of people whose shoulders they can cry on, whose work they can copy, whose car-pool they can join, during the months to come. I played my part, met quite a few people, saw traces of future bitchiness, brilliance, phoniness, stupidity and a lot of hidden dynamism in the relatively quiet ones. But it would be a mistake to start judging prematurely so I’m keeping an open mind and minding my own business as always.
Monday, is when the wheels actually start rolling. An inaugural address by noted, controversial historian Dr. KN Panikkar on "IS DEMOCRACY WHAT DEMOCRACY DOES? REFLECTIONS ON INDIA'S POLITICAL PRESENT" will kick-start the day. I’m reading up on democracy so I don’t unecessarily embarrass myself.
Till next time.