My Trysts with the Animal-kind

[Image from gturskyte.blogspot.com]

I'm not an animal lover. I'm not an animal hater either - i mean except for eating birds and the occasional mammal, I don't have a tiger skin rug and I probably would never consider wearing a fur coat and stuff. But I've always been a little scared of animals, even dogs; which is when I come to think about it, a little puzzling because we used to have a pet dog till I was around 2 I think. And I have vaguely vivid memories of cuddling with Benji.. So i can't have been born this way.

Now however I am definitely not one of those people (see Swathi, you finally got a mention :) ) who can feed and pat strays or even the neighbor's pet dog. Or cat for that matter.. or birds (I don't like creatures that flap their wings..yes butterflies included; they give me the shivers). I'm not a bad person I promise, and I really wish I could be more of a dog person, I think having a pet can give a person a lot more character. I'd like to marry a guy with a big dog I think.. so my kids don't end up freaks like me.
Anyway, I got thinking at work today.. have animals really done anything to scar me for life?? And then the answer came to me...

YES!

As an establishment of this fact, I present to you, my loyal (read unfortunate) blog-readers EVIDENCE... Kingdom Animalia is out to get me.

1. Mojo-jojo
In my 1st year in VIT, there was a miscreant skulking in the girls Hostel... a monkey. And not those mischievous little ones with thin limbs. These were roughly the size of a 10yr old boy (those who know my brother, think of him). My roommates and me had already caught sight of 1 or 2 and once I answered the knock on our door and it was none other than the smart simian himself. You'd think the story ends there, and so did I. My quota of monkey contact is over for this lifetime at least, I assumed. So imagine my horror when I looked up at the wall of my bathroom cubicle the next morning, mid-shower, and found myself looking at a giant monkey looking down casually at me.. Yes I screamed. No I did not run out starkers.

2. To bee or not to bee.
Second year.. different hostel block.. different animal problem. There was the mother of all beehives that persistently kept building up in the corridoor right in front of the bathrooms. Just the buzzing and the sight of those millions of insects crawling inside the big fat hive gave me the creepies. And then I have to imagine that promiscious queen bee in the middle killing all the soldier bees after they pleasure her.. Can you blame me, seriously?

3. The Dog and the Kebab
Those of you who know me should know one thing. Besides my family, there's one thing that I'm very touchy about. And that's chicken. Things like not acquiring my choice of chicken piece are liable to make me extremely cranky. So while I can't think of one incident that might have caused me to be a little averse to dogs, i can think of a few that certainly led to the deterioration of my inclination towards the creatures. Like this one. I was walking on campus munching on a Chicken kebab Roll with my friend Naimi, when a stray started following us. My heart was racing but I just kept walking, while Naimi completely lost it and made me throw my roll as bait to make the dog stop following us. Naturally at that vulnerable state of mind I did it. But I was devastated. It was a really juicy roll.

4. Waspish..
Like bees, wasps till last summer were a nightmare to me. But something happened in Bangalore that both erased my fear for them AND heightened my hatred for them. I had gone to spend the weekend in Chennai and was returning to my room in Bangalore at around 4 AM, looking forwarded to getting the final 2hrs of sleep before work begun. Dragging my suitcase into the flat, I unlocked my room opened it to find a heart-sinking sight. For some inane reason I'd forgotten to close a window and left the tube-light switched on. As a result there were about 200 wasps crowded around the light and the curtain. Sleep, like chicken is another thing I'm touchy about and more than the fear, I was livid. How dare those thoughtless buzzing nincompoops take over my room and deny me my sleep! Blood boiling, I single handedly killed every single one of the wasps with my Bata chappal. And I got some sleep after that. Take that Phylum/Kingdom/Class Insectae!

5. Others
Crows shit on my hard washed clothes.
Pigeons make a nest in my shoe.
Mosquitoes are dumb. I'm not even sorry when I fry them with the bat.
Rats are rats.

I'm a terrible terrible person. I'l probably be a mosquito in my next life. And the mosquito will be me, frying me with a bat..with a smirk.

It's not the End of the World.. or is it?

I was browsing TV channels today when I saw that Independence Day was running on Star Movies. If my dad did not want the remote and if my brother didn't have exams, I might just have sat down and given it a watch. There's something about Doomsday movies isn't there... even to a skeptic like me. Because being skeptical is one thing; crossing the fine line separating it from blissful obliviousness is another.
And as easy as it is to believe that the Earth is invincible, that we've been around for billions of years and we can do another million just fine, that the Y2K, 2012, Roswell theories are all merely conspiracy theories writers and movie makers thrive on, there's still the nagging feeling of is anything permanent?
Everything has to end right? Can immortality stretch to encompass the non-abstract? Okay, that sentence sounded a bit pompous, but what I'm trying to say is how much sense does it make to keep believing that our world is forever?
So let's say the Earth, like you and me has it's expiry date. Then there has to be a perpetrator . What are the possibilities...

a) Environmental Disaster?
Lets face it. This does seem the most likely at the rate we're disposing/deforesting/procreating.
Movie equivalent: 2012, Day after Tomorrow

b) Meteor Impact
I read in a NASA article that this did cause the extinction of Dinosaurs (am i wrong to be relieved?) So it can very well happen again, it's been a few million years.. Maybe it won't even be a planetary annihilation.. maybe humans will disappear like the dinasaurs. I just cowardly hope that I'm at the focus of impact so I don't have to see anything.
Movie Equivalent: Armageddon

c) Microbial Epidemic
SARS, Bird Flu, Swine Flu.. We've all seen it happen. No reason why it shouldn't happen on a larger scale. I'm a little skeptical about Cannibalism however.
Movie Equivalent: 28 days later,Dawn of the Dead, The Happening etc..
Book Equivalent: Cell - Stephen King

d) Extraterrestial Invasion
Science states the existence of millions of galaxies in the Universe. Meaning gazillions of planets. The chances of Earth being the only one with life are negligible. There has got to be another 10000 planets at least with intelligent life on it. Let's just hope they're friendly..
Movie Equivalent: Independence Day, War of the Worlds

So that's all I came up with. I don't mean to be morbid I swear; I'm just naturally a little unhealthy in my thinking. If my writing was so powerful that it's scared any of you, don't be. Read this interview with a NASA scientist. I dare say he knows more..

http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html

Happy Weekend!

The Curious Case of the Automan in the Morning Time..

There's few things that intrigue in Chennai more than Auto drivers do. They are easily the most misunderstood, stereotyped community in the city. Since I take an auto every morning from home to work, I've begun to become a recognized figure in the Auto circles in front of Student Xerox centre. Or maybe it's the other way round, but the point is that it's come to stage where I have these regular auto drivers who recognize me and take me to my destination without having to direct them or bargain.
Before I tell you my story you should know that normally, I want to go to Egmore, auto drivers ask for 40 or 50 and I bring it down to 30 and seal the deal. After the petrol hike, me being the righteous person I am had the heart to increase the amount to 35, even though it's less than 2km of travel. And trust me that 5 rupees matters; with my pay it does.
So yeah, today I walked up to auto stand, coolly said Egmore Ashoka Hotel like I always do.
He said get in, like they always do.
I said 35 bucks, in a take it or leave it kind of tone, mentally preparing myself to fight for the 5 bucks, like i always do.
He said 30, like...er wait.
I said Eh?
He said 30.
I said 30?
He said 30.
I said well, okayyyy. And got into the vehicle.

Meanwhile my mind was going overdrive. Was he a rich autodriver maybe? Does he want to lure me into some kind of trap? Do i resemble is dead aunt? Is my shirt too low cut?
Or wait.... Could he.. could he just be a nice man who only wanted what he deserved?
Thankfully I reached my destination. I thought about giving him the 5 bucks extra anyway but I didn't want to offend him or anything so i didn't. I thanked him he said thanks back and left.
Leaving me mildly dumbfounded and a little ashamed at how quickly and easily I jumped to dramatic conclusions.

Of Audiobooks and Auditory Weaknesses..

Audiobooks aren't a brand new concept by a long shot, but I've never owned one till this week. And I'm in a fix. How does you work an audio book work exactly? I mean you can't listen to it like you listen to music right? I mean when I listen to music I dissolve into it. I let my mind wander and I don't really do much directional thinking. But when I read a book a have to look at the lines, absorb the words, the meaning, i have to be correlating each line with previous occurrences to follow the story. So logically, Audio books fall in between. I have to pay attention to my headphones. Who does that? It's just like a lesson you may say, like how teachers teach you. You're listening and learning, and that's what you're supposed to do with Audio books too I guess. But I wasn't sure.. I mean what if I get so involved in the narration that I forget the traffic and the peeing men? What if i forget to look at the pavement floor and step on one of the little poo piles little children leave behind on the Dr. Nair Bridge? But because I'm me, I decided I shouldn't have any trouble. I've always been a very visual rather than auditory (is that the word?) person. I prefer to use my ears for means other that those involving mental activity.. like music. That's why I've always fallen asleep in classes. However interesting something is, however much enjoy reading abt the very same topic, when it is narrated/taught to me, when it involves listening to something, my brain shuts; i fall instantly asleep. This has lead to innumerable embarrassing scenarios. I was always the unintentional guilt-trip/scape-goat of lecturers. Some used to stop classes looking at me, supposing that the class has reached its saturation point. Others used to continue. The rest used to wake me up amidst sniggers and ask me to wash my face. I eventually realized that the only way to stop this habit was to break the monotony. Hence I started to ask doubts. That kept me awake at least the time I was talking to the lecturer.
My point is that the prospects aren't looking too bright. Looks like my David Sedaris Audio-book might just rust away in my Ipod..

Theory of a Mad woman...

So I have this theory.
Lately I've begun to notice that a large proportion of parents with girls waiting to get arranged married off have been having a hard time finding a suitable boy. It's not as easy as it used to be and that could be because the educated girl has higher standards & expectations. But I think there's another reason. A trend.
The number of youngsters willing to and successfully falling in love have experienced a steep incline. As a result of the still existent tradition of sons being given more freedom than daughters, this trend is manifested at a somewhat higher level in the boys. Therefore the nice guys are all getting hooked in a frenzy.. and we all know how rare they are already. That leaves among the eligible bachelors, a few really good catches, many substandard ones and more than a handful of losers.
And among the women its the same but there's a higher number of good catches since girls are generally more protected in the Indian household.
So lets say there's 500 boys and 500 girls in the world.
200 boys are good, 300 bad
300 girls are good, 200 bad
Out of these 150 good boys and 150 good girls hook up. So in the market is:-
50 good boys, 300 bad boys
150 good girls, 200 bad girls



Since we're not interested in the bad people, bottom-line is that 150 good girls have to fight over 50 good boys or settle for the remaining mediocre 300 bad boys.
Ofcourse there are plenty of loopholes here, but hopefully you get the essence of what I'm saying.
It's a tough world out there for parents... Happy Hunting!

Master of None...

[Image: www.smemarketing.com]

With respect to vocation, there are two types of happy people in this world. Those of you who actually read my blog (ie. Archana..i hope) will at this juncture heave an internal (or external, based on how emotive you are) groan of irritation.Does this woman's imagination not run beyond classifying people into 2 categories?? - you might be thinking. If you are, then worry not, i promise you this time its a whole lot simpler and shorter.
The first type of happy people are those who are inclined to one area, they pursue that area doggedly, make a name of themselves. They're happy.
The second type of happy people are those who are never happy doing one thing for long. They have a wide variety of interests, take life maybe a little less seriously. They do many things, as, when and how they please. They're happy too.
The unhappy people fall under these categories too but they are those who, not recognizing which type they fall under, keep striving to become the opposite type.
The secret is simple - type yourself and make the most of it.

Every girl's a princess

"Whatever comes," she said, "cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it."

One thing my little brother and me bond over is movies. Today I watched for the first time a big screen adaptation of my ever favorite classic 'A Little Princess' written by Frances Hodgeson Burnett.
I must've read the novel atleast 6-7 times and each time I did it made me a little more hopeful, gave me a little more faith in faith and the belief that all would be well in the end. If it isn't well, then it's not the end yet. Corny, but I'd like to think it was books like these that make me such an optimistic person in general. I get upset but I've never got bogged down. While I know Sarah's story isn't true and is very unlikely to ever happen to anybody, the reason for that is simple; it can only happen to someone like Sarah. And Sarah was unlike anyone, possibly a utopic character. We can try to be like her but Sarah's mind was so gloriously innocent, her spirit so indomitably resilient, her mind so pristine, so unpolluted from the real world of pessimism, that nobody but someone who has faced all odds can truly be her.
All that said and done, I read about the first acclaimed movie version of the story, the one with Shirley Temple in it. Then I came across a remake by Alphonso Cuaron which was also critically reknowned so I chose to download this one, thinking a color one would probably appeal to my brother more.
What did I think of the movie? It wasn't terrible, some of the performances were exemplary, like Miss Minchin, Ermengarde, Lavinia and Lottie. Sarah's character was heart wrenching but subtle things like the intelligence in her eyes, were missing. I still did sob like a shameless moron everytime she said 'Papa' though. They were quite liberal with the story. Sarah's papa doesn't even really die in the movie. And there were a few laughable stunt scenes in the climax. The progression of events was abrupt and the magic of the book couldn't be felt, even though you'd have thought the ending would have felt happier, seeing as Captain Crewe comes back to life and all.
But I guess its just one of those books that nobody can do full justice to.
Like 'Catcher in the Rye'. I was super psyched to see that there's a movie. till i read that the movie is simply a 75min and 6sec of blank screen. That is pure brilliance. In its rawest simplest form.
Nothing more, nothing less (sic.)

Reminders of Then..

Though it looks like I have separated myself from all things Bioinformatics, life still hands out periodical reminders that I can't bring myself to discard. Science did form a big part of my life so far and I guess I haven't learnt to completely let go yet.
Like my Nature journal updates that I'v subscribed to. I don't read em anymore but I don't have the heart to unsubscribe..
So every couple of days I get a mail from The British Journal of Cancer or a Nature Biotechnology Alert or Nature Neurology Reviews among others. Somehow it keeps me connected to a past that in reality isn't that very far away, but seems to be fading away quickly.

The Ones that got away

[Image from http://worldcricketwatch.com]
Its difficult to feel sorry for the Tainted Trio. Every photo of them walking in and out of court has them smiling, joking, well dressed and almost as if they're enjoying the attention. They get banned for 7yrs and then tell the press that they are innocent. Who do they think they're kidding? Obviously something must be making them feel invincible, or else they'd atleast fake a little remorse right? or distress or rage if they really are being framed.
All I can say is I feel sorry for the honest Pakistani players. Not only have these morons irreversibly damaged their own reputations they've also invariably cast this shadow of doubt on their entire nation. And they have idiots like Ijaz Butt to encourage them. What a sad state of affairs.
I want to see some happy news on TV for a change. I guess for that happy things need to happen. But it really is a mood killer to see the unscrupulous principle-less disgraces of the universe get away..

Tri Valley Phoniversity

Are students this desperate to study/settle abroad? Its pathetic and disheartening, how these kids compromise themselves to below standard institutions, which don't even look good on paper.

I decided to check if the University website is still up to see if it looked bogus. I wanted to laugh, i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream. The grammar is the least of the problems.
Excerpts...

Student Profiles
Hugh Nugen Ph.D. in Electrical Engineering Department, Major: Analog IC
Education: B.S. Electrical Engineering 2000, U.C.Berkeley; M.S. Northwestern Polytechnic University, Electrical Engineering, 2004;
Profile: Senior Staff Engineer and Supervisor at Vashay-Siliconix. Hugh Nugen actually contributes to the inception of TVU. As Dr.Su's former graduate student, Hugh one day posed her a question :"I want to study for Doctorate Degree in Electrical Engineering. Which university shall I go to?" To which, she first answers him " Go to this university", He said:" This university does not have that.". She then told him "Go to that university.". He said :" That university does not have this.". Couple of months later, she finally was able to provide him a satisfactory answer "Come to Tri-Valley University then!". Tri-Valley University is built according to our students need and request. Most of the features are actually suggested to build by our students.

Ashwin Reddy
...
Profile: Ashwin is currently work for a company.

Alice Wilcox, BSBA
Education: Associated Degree, Diablo College
Profile: "After attend the college for a AA degree, I went straightly to work. I then own my own business at Livermore CA and it has been very successful. Now I am retired and pass the business to my son, I want to complete my Degree for personal fulfillment. Also I can set up an real example for my grandson to earn the degree, every time I told him to. "
Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Source: http://www.trivalleyuniversity.org/