Wednesday, February 23, 2011
My Trysts with the Animal-kind
I'm not an animal lover. I'm not an animal hater either - i mean except for eating birds and the occasional mammal, I don't have a tiger skin rug and I probably would never consider wearing a fur coat and stuff. But I've always been a little scared of animals, even dogs; which is when I come to think about it, a little puzzling because we used to have a pet dog till I was around 2 I think. And I have vaguely vivid memories of cuddling with Benji.. So i can't have been born this way.
Now however I am definitely not one of those people (see Swathi, you finally got a mention :) ) who can feed and pat strays or even the neighbor's pet dog. Or cat for that matter.. or birds (I don't like creatures that flap their wings..yes butterflies included; they give me the shivers). I'm not a bad person I promise, and I really wish I could be more of a dog person, I think having a pet can give a person a lot more character. I'd like to marry a guy with a big dog I think.. so my kids don't end up freaks like me.
Anyway, I got thinking at work today.. have animals really done anything to scar me for life?? And then the answer came to me...
As an establishment of this fact, I present to you, my loyal (read unfortunate) blog-readers EVIDENCE... Kingdom Animalia is out to get me.
In my 1st year in VIT, there was a miscreant skulking in the girls Hostel... a monkey. And not those mischievous little ones with thin limbs. These were roughly the size of a 10yr old boy (those who know my brother, think of him). My roommates and me had already caught sight of 1 or 2 and once I answered the knock on our door and it was none other than the smart simian himself. You'd think the story ends there, and so did I. My quota of monkey contact is over for this lifetime at least, I assumed. So imagine my horror when I looked up at the wall of my bathroom cubicle the next morning, mid-shower, and found myself looking at a giant monkey looking down casually at me.. Yes I screamed. No I did not run out starkers.
2. To bee or not to bee.
Second year.. different hostel block.. different animal problem. There was the mother of all beehives that persistently kept building up in the corridoor right in front of the bathrooms. Just the buzzing and the sight of those millions of insects crawling inside the big fat hive gave me the creepies. And then I have to imagine that promiscious queen bee in the middle killing all the soldier bees after they pleasure her.. Can you blame me, seriously?
3. The Dog and the Kebab
Those of you who know me should know one thing. Besides my family, there's one thing that I'm very touchy about. And that's chicken. Things like not acquiring my choice of chicken piece are liable to make me extremely cranky. So while I can't think of one incident that might have caused me to be a little averse to dogs, i can think of a few that certainly led to the deterioration of my inclination towards the creatures. Like this one. I was walking on campus munching on a Chicken kebab Roll with my friend Naimi, when a stray started following us. My heart was racing but I just kept walking, while Naimi completely lost it and made me throw my roll as bait to make the dog stop following us. Naturally at that vulnerable state of mind I did it. But I was devastated. It was a really juicy roll.
Like bees, wasps till last summer were a nightmare to me. But something happened in Bangalore that both erased my fear for them AND heightened my hatred for them. I had gone to spend the weekend in Chennai and was returning to my room in Bangalore at around 4 AM, looking forwarded to getting the final 2hrs of sleep before work begun. Dragging my suitcase into the flat, I unlocked my room opened it to find a heart-sinking sight. For some inane reason I'd forgotten to close a window and left the tube-light switched on. As a result there were about 200 wasps crowded around the light and the curtain. Sleep, like chicken is another thing I'm touchy about and more than the fear, I was livid. How dare those thoughtless buzzing nincompoops take over my room and deny me my sleep! Blood boiling, I single handedly killed every single one of the wasps with my Bata chappal. And I got some sleep after that. Take that Phylum/Kingdom/Class Insectae!
Crows shit on my hard washed clothes.
Pigeons make a nest in my shoe.
Mosquitoes are dumb. I'm not even sorry when I fry them with the bat.
Rats are rats.
I'm a terrible terrible person. I'l probably be a mosquito in my next life. And the mosquito will be me, frying me with a bat..with a smirk.